Chipped
by KKM
Summary: Mr. Gold awakens with a start as he remembers back to a time he'd rather forget. But he would never forget her or what his pain taught him. One-Shot. Rated T.


**Chipped**

**By: KKM**

_**Summary:**_

_Mr. Gold awakens with a start as he remembers back to a time he'd rather forget. But he would never forget _her_ or what his pain taught him. One-Shot. Rated T._

* * *

His deranged sobs echoed through the large, empty, and yet lavish manor. His long unruly hair covered his damp golden cheeks as his wild eyes shamefully refused to look up at the newest edition of his closest trinkets. He probably wouldn't even bother to pick up the shattered glass on the floor from the antique vase that had occupied the innocent tea cup's place just moments before.

"She can't be gone… She can't be gone! _SHE CAN'T BE GONE!_" was the mantra he kept repeating over and over as he held his head in his hands and slumped against the wall. Each word was louder than the last; _frantic_. His body was quivering in panic and his once forgotten heart was pounding painfully in his chest. He almost wished that the dreadful Queen would have ripped the offending object from his chest cavity. But alas, that would have only been too kind of her.

Rumplestiltskin had only felt this kind of pain once in his life and he had promised himself long ago that he would never stoop so low again. And yet, here he was cowering on the floor trying to gain sympathy from a cup. _"You're a coward, Rumplestiltskin. And no matter how thick you make your skin, that doesn't change,"_ had been the last words she had said to him. He could still see the sorrow and pity in her deep blue eyes as she whispered the fate he would now have no choice but to endure. _"And all you'll have is an empty heart… and a chipped cup."_

Funny how right she had been. Why did he always have to be so stubborn? First his son and now her… all because he was too cowardly to give up his power… his protective shell. All magic comes with a price. He'd always known it to be true and right now he rued the day he'd ever plunged that dagger into the Dark One's heart taking the curse upon himself. Now he knew the full meaning and loneliness such a role held. How she had been able to look past the spineless monster he'd become was beyond him.

Finally, he had the courage to look up; his large glassy eyes straining to hold all he had left of her in his gaze. His tear stained orbs took in every detail of the porcelain masterpiece before him. Everything from the hand painted blue branch and tiny leaves across its white mold to the rough texture of the flaw she had caused from her clumsiness after dropping it. He stored it all in his similarly cracked mind. He found that he loved everything about the fragile mug. I was elegant, yet not perfect. It had character… like _her_.

"N-no… she can't be gone. I-I won't believe it!" he practically growled, now scowling in painful rage. He forced himself up from the ground and away from the wall as he stepped toward his treasure and carefully picked it up with unsteady hands. He held it until it was level with his unnerving eyes before closing them as he gently rubbed his scruffy cheek against it as if nuzzling. He could still pick up her feint scent and for a moment he allowed himself to imagine that this was all just a bad nightmare and she was still there. He could almost feel her warmth in his heart again before he opened his eyes, crushing his façade. He gave a sad sigh as he placed the cup back in its place. "It has to be a lie," he said quietly to himself, but even he thought it sounded weak at best. He forced his next words to be stronger in an effort to truly believe them. "The queen is playing a trick on me! A nasty, rotten trick indeed…" He trailed off with a sneer.

He stepped away from the artifact and walked with purpose toward the only window without drapes; the one _she_ had allowed the sunlight to pour through and warm the darkness. He unlocked the shutters and shoved the window open allowing a brisk breeze to hit his golden face. Next he lept through as if to do a swan dive to the ground many stories below. Any normal man would have plunged to their death, but then again Rumplestiltskin was no normal man. He used the dread magic of his curse to vanish in a dark puff of crackling smoke.

The sun was starting to set when he reappeared in the shadows of the near by kingdom. No one saw him as he silently walked toward the castle. He didn't stop until he stood in front of the highest tower of the castle. A frown settled on his features as he gazed at it. This had to be the tower the Queen spoke of; the one they imprisoned her in. He heard footsteps nearby, but he refused to be distracted by passerbys. With a snap of his fingers the two guards that would have interrupted his visit vanished in a way much like that of which he'd came. Only their absence from this relm would be permanent. He could not be bothered by their would be presence as he searched the tower methodically with his piercing gaze looking for any sign of treachery from the Queen's words.

The ground was damp and muddy around his boots as if it had just rained not too long ago. This made things difficult to discern at first. He nearly smiled at first, some of his anxieties fading away as he allowed hope to seep in like poison through his black veins. But all traces of this feint warmth of heart left him in cruel hast when he noticed something lying innocently next to a bush covered in soupy dirt and mud.

He dared not breathe as he bent down and grasped the soggy object with his long slender fingers. When he did, a strangled sob escaped his larynx, leaving all thoughts of composure behind him. In his hand was a wet, yet very well made velvet traveling cloak. The one he had gave _her_. What made matters worse was that mud was not the only thing that lingered on the rich cloth. The stench of blood was still fresh in the air. What had the done to his beautiful, sweet love? …yes, he _loved_ her. Only now, the self admition proved to be too late. He'd loved her from the moment she'd dropped that cup, but he'd been too cowardly to admit it. And now…

_"They were cruel to her…"_ the Queen's words echoed in his head as he envisioned that all too smug smirk on her painted lips. His depressed tears suddenly stopped as if someone had flipped a switch in his mind as a deep look of rage settled over his features. His eyes shone with a deep hate that was reserved not only for his own cowardice, but for each and every human in this kingdom who stood by and watched her suffer before returning to their normal, comfortable lives while she could not. But most of all, a deep loathing for the creature he impart had once helped gain power. They would pay. _All_ of them.

Before commencing with a deadly rampage that was certain to come, the kingdom was given one warning. One futile chance to either run or stay and shiver with spineless fear. He glared up to the heavens and clenched his fists with a dangerous aura surrounding him as he released an angry, grief ridden shout that would be heard by all and talked about for as long as history remained recorded into lore - _"BELLE!"_

* * *

"Belle!" he awoke with a start as he sat up in bed, clammy and shook up from his nightmare. His throat was parched as he slid out of his lonely bed and hobbled into the next room which was an ajoined bathroom. When he reached his destination, he ignored everything around him as he turned on the faucet and cupped his hands to trap the water before dousing his face in it with a gasp. Breathing deeply, he chanced a look at himself in the large mirror. Gone was the golden skin that always seemed to gleem as if he was constantly over heated and gone were the wild eyes of a madman. In their place was normal pale skin now dripping with water and the reflection of his haunted looking almond colored eyes.

Mr. Gold took a deep breath as he stared at himself for the longest time to regain control of his sanity. Every since he'd learned Mrs. Swan's real name his memories of another life had began to spiral back at him, forcing him to relive some of his most deepest memories. And in some cases, as with this one, his deepest regrets. Everything had seemed so real when he'd been dreaming. It was almost as if it had happened just yesterday. He let out a sigh as he slowly turned away.

He had a strange urge to visit the bottom level of his home where his shop was. It was as if something was calling to him and for once he didn't question his yearning as he grabbed his cane to indulge himself and look. He stopped in front of a large cherry wood antique cabinet that he always had remembered being there, but never recalled opening. Apparently, Regina hadn't bothered to add any fine details about it to his memory bank. Carefully, he reached out and grasped the hand carved wooden handles before pulling it open, releasing twenty eight year's worth of dust.

Coughing, he waved his hand in front of him and squinted to look before openly gawking at what was in front of him. In the shadows of the mostly empty cabinet shelves, covered in thick dust and webs was a simple white teacup with a blue design he recognized instantly. But the chip is what undid him. He did not cry this time, instead he grabbed it with care like it was an old friend and leaned on his cane as he blue the dust from it and nodded almost to himself with understanding.

Every since he'd regained knowledge of who he really was, he'd noticed that everything in his shop held a memory of something or someone from the enchanted forest but he'd felt a sense of loss when he'd come to realize that nothing was of great meaning to himself. It was clear now that this was hidden on purpose so that he would not remember and yet, if he were to find it and someday remember it was there to give him pain. Perhaps a spiteful gift from the Queen who would have taken satisfaction in either case, especially if he'd have unknowingly thrown it away.

He ran his thumb over the small blemish in he porcelain before bringing the object to his lips and kissing it. For the first time in a very long time it caused him to remember the warmth he once felt in his tainted heart. Mr. Gold was very aware that he had made poor, horrible decisions in both of his lifetimes and he knew very well that certain parts about him would never change. But he would always remember his Belle. And he vowed right then and there that he always would. "I love you, Dearie," he whispered, "I only wish you were here to hear it."

With that, he returned upstairs to his bedroom where he set the cup on his nightstand so that he could always keep it safe.

* * *

_A/N_: My first _Once_ story and my first finished Oneshot. Yaaaay. I'm a little rusty, but I hope you liked it! ;)


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